Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Monday, May 2, 2011
Monday, March 14, 2011
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
My heart breaks to think of the pain I’m going to give to the baby that is inside me... I checked the FAQs but found no questions that deal with the painful sensations that I'm sure will be felt by it when the procedure is performed. I’m now 12 weeks along… I was researching online (bad idea) and found out that inside me is a living person, complete with all the organisms that a person needs in order to live - including nerve endings.
Why don't I want this in me? well, I want to complete my MA, and after that I was planning to go and teach abroad... and travel around for a while and have fun, you know? this just doesn't fit into my plans.
But this person came into being because I made that choice to be with Mr. Nobody... which was probably a mistake in the first place... he's gone now.
The plans I have are all things that I would like to do. They’re all about me. What makes me happy. But my mom always tried to teach me to think about other people, how they feel, what they think. Am I wrong? Is it possible to be so saint-like, as my mom is?
What does this little person think about all this anyways? My research said that it has a brain. But it can't say anything yet (at least, nothing that we can hear).
Maybe she has something she would like to say... like, "Hi Mommy! I love you! thank you for not killing me, for not poisoning me with that methotrexate stuff earlier on…. And thanks again for not vacuuming my arms off, and then my legs, until there was nothing left! thank you so much! when I grow up, I want to have my own babies, so I can love them like you did."
Or maybe it's a little boy and he will one day say, "Mommy, I love you so much, and I will never leave you like Mr. Nobody left you. I’m going to be strong like you, and if I find a girl I’m going to get married and stick by her side. And I’m going to love our family even when it’s not easy."
Thank you for helping me think through this... I think I've made my decision.
I'm going to go ahead with it. Now that I know all there is to know and I've done all my research, I'm going to schedule my appointment to get rid of it. I don’t care how this thing got here, but it’s got to go because I’ve got other plans set on my life’s agenda.
After all, life is all about me, isn't it?
Thursday, June 24, 2010
(from the Rebelution)
I pray that I may be a woman who
- is glad she’s a woman and rejoices in her femininity, expressing it through her attitude, appearance and bearing. (1 Timothy 2:9-10)
- does not compete for equality with men or chafe at God’s design for male and female, but delights in and understands the importance of her calling to complement man’s role. (1 Timothy 2:11-12, Ephesians 5:22-24)
- values the cultivation of her mind and diligently seeks after wisdom and knowledge. (Proverbs 22:17-21, 2:2-6)
With God’s help, may I become a woman who
- realizes her imperative need to allow the Holy Spirit to control her emotions and expressions of them. (James 1:19-20)
- does not wallow in self-pity or make a habit of voicing complaints, but radiates cheerfulness and joy. (Proverbs 15:15, Proverbs 17:22)
- appreciates her mother’s (&family’s) protection, and respects and submits to her authority. In so doing, she is preparing herself to exercise the Biblical role in her relationship with a possible future husband. (Ephesians 5:33-6:3, 1 Peter 3:1-2)
May I be a woman who
- is trustworthy and gains the respect of those around her. (Proverbs 31:11)
- restrains herself from listening to, or participating in gossip, but instead speaks with wisdom and discretion. (Proverbs 11:12-13, 22, 20:19, 3:11)
May I be one who
- constantly encourages and builds up those around her instead of criticizing and tearing them down. (1 Thessalonians 5:11, Ephesians 4:29)
- does not have a nagging, contentious or manipulative manner in which she deals with others. (Judges 16:16, Proverbs 21:9, 19, 26:21)
- is not boisterous or loud in her speech or actions but is characterized by a gentle and quiet spirit. (Proverbs 9:13, 1 Peter 3:4)
By God’s grace, may I be one who
- portrays chastity, modesty and reverence in her manner, and wears the ornament of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is her true beauty. (1 Peter 3:3-4, Titus 2:4-5)
- is not offended by respect shown her through gentlemanly courtesies (opening doors, etc.) but cultivates the differences between the sexes that make her worthy of this deference. (1 Peter 3:7, Mark 10:6)
Father in heaven, may I be a woman who
- does not relate to members of the opposite sex in a flirtatious or forward manner, but instead saves all her passion for her future husband. (Thessalonians 4:3-8, Proverbs 6:25, 1 Corinthians 7:1)
- holds her virginity before marriage sacred and will not compromise it for anything. (1 Timothy 5:22)
Lord Jesus, I pray that I will seek to make You my number one desire and the Lover of my soul. I know that only You can fully satisfy. (Psalm 73:25, Psalm 63:1) May I use my years of singleness to seek and serve You without distraction. May I be content to leave the details of my future to You. (Psalm 73:25, Philippians 4:11)
God give me the grace and power to be a woman after His own heart, that I may serve Him first of all in all I do, and that I may in turn be a servant to those around me, modeling the behaviour of my Lord Jesus Christ. Father, let me not be discouraged by my many failures, but trust in Your forgiveness and grace to cover my sins, to pick me up when I fall, to bring me back when I stray.
Monday, June 21, 2010
A dear brother in the Lord recently shared with me the following insights from a blog called "the Rebelution." On the blog there's a list of qualities of "A real man". It is my prayer that God will lead and direct me to one such man who strives for these qualities, whose first desire is to praise and honour the Lord in all he does and says. This list is pretty intense - and yet the life of a Christian is not meant to be soft and cushy; the way is hard and narrow, and it takes much hard work, perseverance, and dependence on Jesus to stay on it.
So here it is, "A real man" by The Rebelution. I've made it a prayer, and will continue to pray this prayer both for my future husband, should the Lord ever bless me in this way, and also for all the young men of our churches and youth groups. May God work in their lives to bring up a generation of men eager to serve Him and lead His people in spreading the good news of salvation to all who are yet lost. It all begins with a simple heart change, and with a hunger and thirst for the knowledge and fear of the Lord!
I pray that my future husband will...
- understand and live according to the basic purposes for which he was created: to worship, honor, and serve God. (Romans 12:1-2)
- value and carefully handle the scriptures. (2 Timothy 2:15)
- not pride himself on being knowledgeable in the sinful ways of the world. (1 John 2:15-16, James 4:4, Philippians 4:8)
- not be embarrassed to worship God and pray in a group setting. (Mark 8:38)
I pray that my future husband will
- be wise, yet humble. (Proverbs 2:1-10, 1 Peter 5:5, Romans 12:16)
- that he will take leadership in a self-sacrificing way. (Ephesians 5:25-28)
- be kind because, “What is desirable in man is his kindness” (Proverbs 19:22)
- not try to prove himself but simply be confident as he walks in the fear of the Lord. (Proverbs 14:26-27)
I pray that my future husband will...
- not put others down with his actions, attitude, words, or his strength. But on the contrary, affirm and build others up (Proverbs 15:4, Ephesians 4:29)
- treat his sisters and mother with as much respect as he would treat a prospective wife. (Matthew 25:21)
- not only respect but appreciate a young lady’s purity and innocence. In our culture innocence isn’t retained by accident. (2 Corinthians 11:2-3)
- value his purity as much as he values a young lady’s purity. I pray that he may not be ashamed to live and act differently from the world in order to guard himself. (1 Thessalonians 4:1-8, Ecclesiastes 7:26)
I pray that my future husband will...
- be able to look a girl straight in the eye without communicating any impurity. (Proverbs 20:11)
- not be ashamed to identify himself with his family (Ephesians 6:2-3)
- that he be a gentleman, polite and showing women honor in everyday things such as opening doors, etc. (1 Peter 3:7)
- that he have no desire to be gross in order to impress other men. He better not burp! Or swear, or tell disgusting stories. (Proverbs 13:5, Ephesians 5:4)
I pray that my future husband will...
- show by his actions that he loves children. (Matthew 19:13-14)
- that he will be pleasant and express joy rather than feeling that it’s masculine to be sullen. (Proverbs 21:29, 1 Thessalonians 5:16)
- that he won’t blame others for his own problems but will embrace responsibility. (Proverbs 12:27)
- that he will be able to accept correction (Proverbs 12:1, Proverbs 29:1)
I pray that my future husband will...
- be mature in his emotions and his expressions of them. That he will be able to deal with the trials of life logically, with wisdom, not on a basis of emotional instability. (Proverbs 14:29, Proverbs 17:27, Proverbs 12:18)
- that he will understand the value of work and is financially responsible. (Colossians 3:23-24, 2 Thessalonians 3:10-12, Luke 16:10-11)
- that he be able to express himself with intelligent words rather than using “street talk”. (Proverbs 17:20, Titus 2:6-8, 1 Peter 4:11, Ephesians 4:29)
Lord God of heaven, I pray that your name will be lifted high as men pattern their lives after your Son’s example, in dependence on the Holy Spirit. I pray that this list will inspire men to reach ever higher, to "aim for the stars" in Godliness and zeal for the Jesus of the Bible who has given His life for His people.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
It was a fun night, despite that it was FREEZING cold and windy! felt like October! Ashleigh played really well, what a great improvement from before, when she would run away from the ball ;) she's a very sweet niece - I don't value her relationship as much as I should. Nights like this one show me just how special it is to spend time with family and get into each others' lives. How many Aunties get to live with their nieces and nephews and know them as well as I do? yet how often I don't take advantage of this special situation... anyways, to sum it up, I had a great night with your daughter Kev & Carole! :)
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
It's not the most practical mode of transportation, that's for sure... I've had to get used to messed up hair & makeup, and not wearing skirts, and not overpacking (a great feat indeed), not taking the whole house with me when I go places (something I am prone to do)... Taking multiple passengers is also more difficult, as is shopping (but maybe that's a good thing)... And, contrary to popular belief, the notion has crossed my mind that a motorcycle is not as safe a mode of transportation as, say, a car... or a hummer. However I beg to disagree with this statement. The safety of the rider depends on the skill level of the rider of the bike. Defensive riding is key to survival on a bike. A motorcycle has many more escape routes than a car or hummer or truck would. A motorcycle also is much more easily maneuverable. It is also much quicker to stop, or speed out of a tense situation.
However as unpractical as it is at times, it's very economical. Besides being unbelievable on gas, I save even more money when I go shopping - I don't even go anymore, since I have little means of taking home my purchases! I thought it was supposed to be a good thing to "live more with less"... isn't it? :)
One last point: the greatest thing about riding a bike is not the economicality of it. No, far from it. It is the flurry of excitement, the rush of adrenaline, the wind streaming through your hair, the beauty of the open road ahead and the great skies above, the anticipation of what's around the next corner, the exhilaration of pushing one's limits and testing one's skills.... I can't quite explain what it is that is so exhilarating, but that's just it - it's exhilarating!
I hope my skeptics can get a glimpse of what goes on in my mind when I say that I love to ride. I don't think I'll be ridinig forever - actually, I might even have to cut this season short, as it's a pretty expensive thing to keep up... but one day I hope to take it up again.
To my fellow riders:
Keep the rubber side down :)
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Ah, how us girls can get carried away with our outward appearance.... (some guys too maybe? ;)) These simple points are good reminders to have close by our closets and washroom mirrors.
1. How I look must be a testimony to unbelievers.
2. How I look must show reverence to my God.
3. How I look must not draw attention to myself.
4. My beauty must be the hidden person of the heart.
5. My beauty must be a gentle and quiet spirit.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Robert Frost (1874-1963)
The Road Not Taken
Sunday, January 10, 2010
What changes will happen, what joys will we experience, what sorrows will we face? Each year brings its own trials and hardships, some years with more than others.... as I look back over 2009, I praise God for having brought me through another year, though it was not the easiest of years. I learned more of what it is to trust God, to love Him, to be content in all things, to live in His strength. God promises to be with us wherever we are, to comfort us at all times, to strengthen us when we’re weak. And He does fulfill those promises.
I pray that in 2010 I will continue to rest in my Saviour, to be complete in Him, and to not spurn His love for me... whether this year is full of blessing and joy, or whether it is full of sorrow or heartbreak, may my heart’s prayer be “Yes, Lord. You are enough! Your mercy extends to the heavens, your love is more than I can ever comprehend. You will once again bring me through.” By God’s grace I pray I may grow into the kind of woman whom Jesus will not be ashamed to call home to heaven, to claim as His own, a specially chosen bride, called by His name, lovely in His beauty, saved by His grace.
I pray also that those who read this blog (that is, if there are even any who read it! :)) will also bow the knee to their Savior Jesus Christ, that they may be saved through Him... and if they are there already, that they will also learn from Him and not be ashamed to fulfill their calling as disciples of Christ.
I had the pleasure of writing this while sitting in the most beautiful of places... tropical plants rise all around; stone paths meander among the countless trees, flowers and shrubs; dew clings to the walls; flowers in full bloom are bursting with beauty - only the hand of a magnificent Creator God like ours could create such beauty as this! What a neat place to rest my soul, to feel God's presence, to think upon His beauty and majesty and goodness. I came here anxious, disturbed, busy with the cares of the world; yet now I leave at peace, resting in the calm assurance that I can find only in Him.
(I took these pictures at a Toronto gardens greenhouse close to the corner of Jarvis & Gerrard)
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Mom's surprise birthday party was a definite success!!!!! it was so much fun surprising her! The evening before her birthday I wrote her a card with a coupon for 2 free breakfasts at Cora's breakfast... We arranged to have the flowers ready and waiting on the table for us when we came, so when Mom said to the waitress in her cute way: "it's my birthday today, and my daughter's taking me for breakfast!" the waitress replied, "I know... I think the whole restaurant knows it's your birthday!" :) Mom nearly fell over backwards when she said that, and saw the flowers :)
Thank you to everyone who came for the tea party - it was late notice, and we're so thankful that each of you could have made it out. She's such a special person, and we all thank God so much for her example of love, humility, and hospitality to everyone.
my new nephew David and his dear mommy, my sister!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
I never saw the sea;
Yet I know how the heather looks,
And what a wave must be.
I never spoke with God,
Nor visited in heaven;
Yet certain am I of the spot
As if the chart were given.
-- Emily Dickinson
Part Four: Time and Eternity , XVII
Monday, September 21, 2009
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
'The world is too much with us,' that is our trouble. We are too immersed in our problems. We need to look ahead, to anticipate, to look forward to the eternal glories gleaming afar. The Christian life is a tasting of the firstfruits of that great harvest which is to come. 'Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, nor have entered into the heart of man the things which God hath prepared for them that lov e HIm'.... Realize something in mind and heart of the glory of the place to which you are going. That is the antidote, that is the cure. The harvest we shall reap is certain, it is sure. 'Therefore,' says Paul to the Corinthians, 'be steadfast, unmovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord'. Go on with your task whatever your feelings; keep on with your work. God will give the increase, He will send the rain of His gracious mercies as we need it. Thre will be an abundant harvest. Look forward to it. 'Ye sahll reap.'
First Book of Daily Readings, exercpted from Spiritual Depression, pp200-1. M. L. Jones
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
but it's a great idea! :)
it'd probably be so much fun too! :)
it might be the closest I ever get to the real thing :)
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Every day that I'm living I am blessed!
I am blessed, I am blessed...
He gives you more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sends you more strength when the labours increase;
To added affliction He's adding His mercy;
To multiplied trials He multiplies peace...
Sunday, July 5, 2009
This year they had their first (annual?) Dessert Queen Contest.... and guess who was the unlikely winner? me! bewildering thought, eh? :) maybe I've inherited some of Mom's talent after all! Mom was runner up, along with Laura A.
"Perhaps my illustration seems to trivialize the cross of Christ. His was so unimaginably greater. What cross could I possibly take up which would be so analogous? Just here is the lesson for me: when Jesus took up his cross, Hewas saying yes with all his being to the will of the Father. If I am unwilling to say yes in even a very little thing, how shall I accept a more painful thing? What sort of practice does it take for a disciple to learn to follow the Crucified? A friend hurts us, a plan gooes awry, an effort fails - small things indeed. But then cancer strikes, a daughter marries unwisely, a business folds, a wife abandons her home and family. The call still comes to us: Take up your cross and come with Me. With You, Lord? Yes, with Me. Will You give me strength and show me the way? That was My promise - is it My custom to break promises?"
Elizabeth Elliot, A Lamp for My Feet
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Somehow we managed to get all the kids together for a picture, before it started pouring buckets...
all that hard work paid off, eh Charlene? :)
This kid's a brain, as you can see! :)
(playing cards, and only just over a year old :))
silly poses for the cam... :)